May 27th, 2008


Last night, one of the cars outside thought it would be hilarious to constantly sound its alarm for almost an hour. At first, Tim thought it was his car and came running downstairs shouting for me to go first, for some reason thinking that my five second headstart would make a difference to whatever situation we’d be greeted with. I disagreed, and kept my lazy ass inside.

Turns out it was actually my Volvo, and after verifying this (“Yes, my ears are definitely bleeding!”) I unlocked the car, switched off the internal sensors as we thought it was seeing the trees in the wind, locked it and headed inside. You see, I was initially confused because the alarm I’ve heard from that car is the horn beeping accompanied with a symphony of flashing lights. This, however, was a different beast. No lights, just high pitched screaming.

A few minutes later, it sounded again. I decided to carry on watching TV, and Tim helpfully shouted “It’s sounding again!”. Seems TV would have to wait.

Back out at the car, things started going downhill. My key wasn’t working, and I had to take out the mechanical override key and get into the car that way. Inside the car, the key was recognised by the ignition and the car started. Ahh, sweet silence.

Ten seconds later, my ears were once again filled with the deafening shriek of the alarm. “ALARM TRIGGERED, CHECK CAR” the dashboard display helpfully offered. Oh, so that’s what that noise is.

“ALARM SERVICE REQUIRED, SEE DEALER” the car went on to say. This isn’t getting better. I decide to get the hell out of there, allowing my many neighbours peace and quiet. On hindsight, barrelling through an estate at 12:15am with the alarm blaring was probably not the most subtle way of moving the car - for example, parking it behind the building in the field behind my house would have moved it away enough to not bother people without risking a Police chase, but still.

I’m standing in a wet country lane, and all is quiet. Perhaps teasing me, the car has decided to shut up. The key still doesn’t unlock or lock the car, and it’s still complaining about the alarm on the screen. Moments later, the RAC arrive. The man doesn’t manage to fix the problem, but disables the siren so if the car decides to throw another wobbly, it’ll do it quietly.

As punishment, the car got sent to the garage the next morning. Perhaps as a puppy gets neutered for chasing after the other dogs, my car will have its electronics reset and replaced in an attempt to calm it down.